How to Teach Your Kids to Argue Right كيف تعلم أطفالك الجدال الصحيح

[ESAL SPIRIT]

Step 1
First, you have to decide as a parent what an appropriate level of argument for your child should be. I, for example, had my boys use their reasoning skills on me to get what they wanted. "Just because" wouldn't cut it. They had to explain exactly WHY I should let them go to their friends house or stay home by themselves or any of a million other things they wanted to do. They had to explain to me WHY they thought I was being unreasonable when I said no. I'd ask them to make at least two points in their favor. If they couldn't come up with a reasonable argument, the answer would be an automatic no.

Step 2

Insist that while they are making their argument that they remain calm. Fits and outbursts have to hurt their case - otherwise, why should they stop? You don't have to be a tyrant about it though. A gentle reminder that they are becoming too loud or too disrespectful, and that their attitude is hurting their argument, is usually enough to calm them down.

Step 3

Give in. That's right, while you don't have to say yes to every argument, you have to say yes to some even though you may not want to. After all, this method only works if the child can at least hope to win once in a while. If you tend to say no, no matter what, the child will see no reward in being reasonable and you'll be back to square one. If the child honestly wins an argument once in a while, he or she will be encouraged to argue reasonably, and you will be shaping a more capable future adult.

Step 4

Keep at it. Bad habits die hard, and where emotions are involved doubly so. But if you are consistent, fair and above all, let them win a round once in a while, you should see results fairly quickly. I did.